a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
