I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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