I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
