My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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