I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
