the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
