ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
