there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
