I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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