Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
