we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
