I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
