four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
