ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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