making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
