you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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