just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We had sex on a dog bed..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
