Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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