my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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