HIV tests are more positive than that guy
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
