the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
