....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
