forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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