Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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