I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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