I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
