we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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