too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
