Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
