no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
