Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
