spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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