Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
