my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Sober January is a disaster.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
