it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Holy shit dude........stairs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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