I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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