She is in my trunk
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
