Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
