Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I need moral support for this bender
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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