lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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