just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
