what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
