So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
