threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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