I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
one might say we're banned from that church
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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