i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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