Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
