he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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