I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
