I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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