We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
