yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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