shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
