this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
